Wednesday, September 19, 2012

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Ryan and I celebrated our three year anniversary last week.  I cannot put into words what an amazing husband and friend Ryan has been to me.  I am so so thankful and blessed.  We're looking forward to our fourth year!

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We now have two sweet babies in heaven.  A few weeks ago our second baby was whisked away early in our pregnancy.  Our hearts were broken. 



"We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."  C.S. Lewis

Do you ever feel like that, believer?  I find myself almost afraid to ask God for the desires of my heart because I'm afraid of more pain...more disappointment.  These verses help me:

"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.  Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."  1 Corinthians 13:12
 
"Those who sow in tears will reap with shouts of joy."  Psalm 126:5

We're looking forward to our "shouts of joy".  Most days I am doing pretty good, but I have moments that it just plain hurts and then a few minutes later I'll be totally fine again.

I imagine the day that I get to hold my sweet babies and cuddle them longer than they would ever want.  Sometimes I look in my rearview mirror while I'm driving and wish I had two little carseats back there with my babies in them.  I told Ryan that we better not loose any more babies because I can't fit anymore imaginary carseats in my car.  :)

God is working on my heart.  It is softening and my faith is growing.  I know God loves me and is for me.

"See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not percieve it?  I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."  Isaiah 43:19


My sweet friend, Katie, recommended a book to me (that I now recommend to you!).  It is called Choosing to See by Mary Beth Chapman.  Her husband is Steven Curtis Chapman, and they lost their little girl, Maria, after she accidentally got hit by a car.  She's very real, very honest, and very insightful on dealing with heartache.  If you are going through something really hard, take a couple nights and read through this book.  I think it will encourage you.

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We are already almost one month into school!  I am completely exhausted at the end of every day (I teach first grade), but I usually come home with some great stories for Ryan.  Right now we're working on NOT getting stuck inside our lockers.  I also taught the kids that the earth orbits the sun once every year.  I asked them how many times they have orbited the sun in their life (six or seven), then I asked them how many times they thought I have orbited the sun in my life.  "EIGHTY!!!" was the first thing someone guessed.

I am not eighty...yet.