Saturday evening, Ryan and I went to bed around 10:00 (we're not night owls....at all). I woke up around 11:30 with contractions and couldn't fall back asleep. They were about 12 minutes apart to start, and worked their way down to about eight minutes apart. I tossed and turned in bed until four, and then went out to the couch so Ry could get some sleep in case this was the real thing. By six or seven in the morning, the contractions subsided, so I thought it was probably false labor. Exhausted, we stayed home from church, took a nap that afternoon, and enjoyed a walk around Lake Harriet later that day. I had sporadic contractions all day, but nothing regular.
Sunday night, we went to bed around ten, and I woke up around 11:30 with a whole new kind of contractions. The others hurt, but I was able to stay in bed for them. These contractions were not the lay-down kind. I paced the apartment, took a bath, drank a small glass of wine, took a shower, paced the apartment....you get the point. I was in labor (or so I thought). By about three in the morning, the contractions had been about five minutes apart for over an hour and Ryan had gotten up and dressed. We packed our bags, called into our work places, and were ready to call our midwife to see what we should do.
Well....then the contractions started to spread out again, and although they were progressively becoming more intense, they were less and less predictable. I was pretty bummed...and confused. I called the midwife and asked what was happening. She said that I was probably experiencing something called "prodromal labor". From my understanding, it's kind of a step-up from false labor, and a step-down from real labor. I was probably dilating, but a characteristic of prodromal labor is that it can subside and then come back later that day or even a couple days later. She told us to get rest when we could and to call back if the contractions pick up again. I hardly had any contractions through the morning and we were able to sleep for an hour or so.
Ryan and I enjoyed the day off, taking walks all over and preparing our hearts for what we were certain was going to happen very soon...saying goodbye to our little love. I treasure that time that God gave us together on Monday.
I had a scheduled appointment with my midwife at four on Monday. Before we went to that appointment, we took one last walk around the Galleria. I started having regular contractions at the Galleria. I told Ryan that if a woman ever wanted to stay sane during labor, to do it at a mall because you have to stay calm. Seriously though...probably not the best place to be haha.
We found out I was dilated to 6 cm. at my appointment and that I was definitely in labor and could be admitted. We chose to go home since I thought we still had tons of time (considering how long it took so far). Ryan and I had big plans of taking showers, watching a movie, and maybe even eating dinner. We hardly had time for showers. Shortly after we got home, my contractions started to be around 3 minutes apart and we made our way to the hospital sometime between 7:00 and 7:30.
When we got to the hospital, I had to put that awful hospital gown on (I texted my mom and my friend Katie that I wished I would have brought a belt...it would have made the gown much more flattering)! Labor progressed pretty quickly. I'll fast-forward to midnight when I started pushing. I was totally wiped out, and I remember looking at the clock thinking how I had read that pushing can take between 5 minutes and 3 hours. I was terrified I would have to push for three hours. God knew I didn't have it in me and thankfully, Matthew was out in about 15 minutes. Hallelujah!
The nurses put him right on my chest and that was, by far, one of the most joyful moments of my life. I thought I would cry, but I didn't. I just grinned from ear to ear. I loved feeling his weight on my chest and taking in all his sweet features. I looked at Ryan, and I could tell that all these last nine months had just hit him....he was a dad and he had a son. He had his head in his hands and was just weeping. Never has my husband looked more handsome than the moment he held our little boy. He looked so strong and brave.
It took the midwife and nurses quite a while to do all the post-birth stuff, so although it felt like minutes, it was probably a good half hour to 45 minutes before our families came in. I sang the song, "Beauty for Ashes" to Matthew while the nurse went to get our family. I like to think that maybe he passed away during that time, but I don't know for sure.
The next couple hours we spent with our families and a few friends. After they left, we just sat, enamored by our son for a while until our sleep deprivation hit us. We got a few hours of sleep that morning, a couple visitors, and then we left for home around noon after we said goodbye to Matthew. We prayed over him and everything in my mothers heart just wanted to stay there forever and protect him, but eventually, we kissed him goodbye.
As we drove home, I just kept thinking, "Did this all just happen? Was I just pregnant? Did I just have a baby? Did we just say goodbye to our son?" It was so surreal. Ryan and I are doing well though. We have had so much time to grieve in these last months that it was all more natural than we would have imagined. We obviously miss Matthew and we'll have a little ache in our hearts forever, but we still believe that God is for us and that his plans for us our good.
A couple pictures to end this post - this is an awesome Edible Arrangement that we received from a couple that I have cleaned for for years and years. It's all gone already :) Please note my husbands cheesy smile and stature...hahahaha. I love him.
I love that you had a special day with you, Ryan and Baby Matthew before you knew it was him! We sang a worship song this morning that had the phrase "we join with the angel's chorus..." and I imagined little angel Matthew up there, singing right along! We've been blessed!
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